lovenotestoyou's Xanga

busy life, bitch fights, great music

Thu, 05 Nov 2009 00:13:40 GMT

sorry been so busy lately!!
plus im kinda wrapped up in a lot of drama: max, and hannah

hannah threatened me! if i "ignore her" for a month, she's going to tell someone about my depression and get me help... and i dont know if im ready for that.

anyways, that was uncalled for.

max on the other hand? im trying to figure out if im better giving him a shot? -or without him.. i told him i'd get back to him... ugh but i havent even had time to think about it!

anyways..

the other day i weighed 129.5lbs so we're getting there!!! i can TASTE it! much better than food. i can do this. just got to get back in the swing of things (a lot harder than you think)

anyways, as of now? i feel a tad overwhelmed

love you,

ps. to write love on her arms day is november 13th! everyone should write love on their arms in support of those suffering from depression and self-harm or who have friends or family members with depression, self-harm, or suicidal thoughts. it would mean a lot to me! i know im going to participate. i'll even post a pic. <3

halloween?

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 20:14:42 GMT

that was the worst halloween i've ever had

i wanted to cry the whole day

and now i want to cry because it was so awful

i hate my life.

i wish i was skinny. and care free.

i miss weighing 125. i hope i get there. soon.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 19:06:30 GMT

this is breaking point...

im officially broken.

enggllliiissshhh esssaayy

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 18:10:58 GMT

i've been so busy and so unable to update! i am SOrrrryy!!

but i've decided to get back on track with this weight for good. i mean it this time.
and as a head start, im having soup tonight. like i am legitly starting now. otherwise i'll be putting it off forever.

so here we go

i need routine

Tue, 27 Oct 2009 22:34:59 GMT

i need to get back on routine with my intake

these past two days have been super shitty.

fuck me. fatty..

me - the tool

night, i feel like shit.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 17:58:26 GMT

i've decided i want help for depression, but i dont know how to ask...

success

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 19:11:02 GMT

yay! my periods over and i look slimmer!

yesterday:
intake:
1/2 bagel
5 bites of fish
20-ish fries
alcohol

outtake:
partyy

water:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

today:
intake:
yogurt w/ honey & granola
low fat vanilla latte
beef curry
2 pieces of bread

outtake:
tba

water:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

i hate "the day after" days.
i was supposed to go to fear fest with friends today, but everyone's backing out. booo. :(
ah well. so i have no idea what im going to do tonight. better be fun though -it's fucking saturday! maybe i'll just see jules or something..

i kissed max last night. 4 times. it was sweet. like, the sweetest thing ever... i..mm..i cant believe it.

peace out,

ps. oh, and im at 130.5 lbs still. whatever, that's fine.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:16:45 GMT

i will not

eat

tomorrow

will not

so i actually tried to correct my mistake

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 23:39:28 GMT

for once... so cuz of a HUGE lunch... no dinner. hazzah! that's the way we role chikita.

intake:
1/2 breakfast sandwich
chicken wrap
sweet potato fries
small salad
popcorn
much better. good girl, sam.

outtake:
10 minute walk

water:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

yeah so everything's better... just like rachel said it would be.
but my arms might take longer to heal... aka at the party friday.. i have to wear a fucking sweater or something. why do i always fuck myself over. hah. ah well.

night,

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Tue, 20 Oct 2009 21:57:37 GMT

Did my shirt shrink? Or am I just fat?

I AM FAT FAT FAT FAT